Dear valued viewer, do you suffer from a condition known as
Transferal Dysfunction?
Transferal
Dysfunction: The inability to turn hours of the weightroom, hundreds of dollars
spent on supplements, and days of researching bro science into noticeable strength
GAINZ.
If this sounds like you or someone you may know then listen
up and share the news. Many people have tried hard to get stronger. People will
buy tighter T shirts to improve how they look, but still none the stronger ( O
No!) Others will make sure to take gym room selfies with the hope that the
internet will bless them with the strength of Mark Zuckerberg; alas it is to no
avail. Some clever people will even join a crossfit gym hoping that hours of
metcons will turn into classy PR’s, but that’s not always the case.
If the above sounds even more like you then prepare your
brain to be beefed up so that you can beef your body up too. Here are 3 quick solutions to your failed
attempts at bar bending.
5x5 & Linear Progression
Never has 25 reps felt so grueling. The program calls for 5
sets of 5 reps every week. To start, begin using at least 70 percent of your
estimated one rep max. With each additional set add 5 – 10 pounds (Depending on
level of difficulty). After each week start with an additional 5-10 pounds
added onto your original 70 percent set.
Side Effects include:
Size gainz, strength gainz, eventual inability to lift planned weight, weekly
failure on later sets.
If you begin to suffer from some of the negative consequences
of the 5x5, ask your doctor about rep scheme Progression!
Rep Scheme
Progression & Linear Progression
Are you too strong to keep lifting with that silly 5x5? Then
you should try rep progression! Start by continuing your 5x5 (25 reps), and
after a couple weeks of lifting and adding weight, progress to 6x4 (24 reps).
Just like the 5x5 add 5-10 lbs to your starting weight, and then add 5 lbs each
set. After a couple of weeks progress to the next phase, 8x3 (24 reps). At this
point, you continue by adding weight each week, but not each set. The weight should
be heavy enough to cause strain, but not exhaustion. By the final set you
should need a spot.
Side Effects Include:
Serious Strength Gainz, Super Long Workouts, Inability to not impress people
with your muscles, eventual inability to keep up with the volume demands,
failure during later sets.
Inevitably you will need to mature in your training to a
sustainable challenge. 9 out of 5 doctors recommend the conjugate method.
Conjugate Method
Rather than blasting yourself with heavy sets every week,
you will cycle through three different types of lifting: Speed, Strength, and
volume. Week one will be speed work, meaning that you should move the bar
faster than 6 meters per second (that’s pretty fast). Start by doing 6 sets of
2 with moderate rest. Your weight should be between 60 & 75 percent of your
estimated one rep max.
The next week you will have a strength day. This should
consist of roughly 5 sets of two at between 80 and 90 percent of your estimated
one rep max. These should be difficult, they definitely will not be 6 meters
per second.
The third week will be volume week. Only perform 3 sets of
8-10 reps, but make the percent 1RM at least 70. After three cycles you can
either repeat, or start over again, but with a heavier weight (10 – 20 pounds
heavier for each exercise)
Side Effects Include:
Valuable recovery time, faster barbell movement, bigger muscles that make
mirrors follow you around, strength that forces silver back gorillas to shave
the hair from their posterior side, possible gainz so fast that you scare yourself
when you look at your reflection.
I hope that one of these prescriptions is right for you. The
more advanced the lifter, the harder the drug that you need. Of course, if this
isn’t enough information for you, then you can just spend the big bucks on name
brand.
Take this advice, overcome your Transferal Dysfunction, and
call Endu in the morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment